Apocalyptic Paranoia!

or...

The Four Fuzzy Kittens of the Revelation.

TSUNAMI! Right behind you!

I’m just kidding. There’s no tsunami after you. Yet.

I find the tsunami relief funds particularly humorous, because it’s like 9/11, but without the proximity. I mean, people are sad about it, but in a very distant kind of way. You look at the pictures, and can’t help but think it’s a really twisted version of MXC.

[Don’t… Get… Eliminated!]

But seriously… the tsunami is a terrible thing. I was reading an article about sex slavers scouring the streets looking for orphans and impressionable women (Fucked. Up.)… the devastation… SE Asia laid to waste like a pirate lego set in the hands of an ADHD child with a fistful of pixy stix. It’s a true tragedy.

But is it a sign of things to come? Has God judged us and found us wanting? Or are we simply projecting a deific face upon the random whims of nature, hoping desperately that some higher hand is out there, waiting to judge us? Do we have a need to be judged and punished? Is this where God comes from?

I digress. This article is not so much about the tsunami itself, but rather the reaction to it. To be more precise, my cat’s reaction to it. Unlike most of America, who can’t even remember 9/11 very clearly, and the tsunami will go the same way (we are cursed and blessed by our forgetfulness), my cat, the appropriately named Catface (his christian slave name is Damien) has gone completely bonkers.

Like, totally apeshit.

At first, I didn’t put two and two together. I thought he just decided to be more of a douchebag one day. But then my roommate, Patrick, came home and announced that many cats owned by folks he works with are acting weird. And we decided it was the Tsunami’s fault. I HAVE read someplace that animals can sense weather and big things a coming.

Catface has become very talkative. Like… all meowy and howly, and lonely. He was only like this one other time… when we first brought him home. He howled all night cause we didn’t let him into our rooms. He now howls more often.

Catface also starts fights with the little bullshit yap dog next door. Catface can totally take this dog. No contest. But he’s never been pugnacious like this before… unless he was attacking a foot that he couldn’t see was attached to our leg. (he’s freaked out by unexplained movement.)

Catface runs around the Apartment much more often now. Before, he would perform a post dump victory lap, and trill (purr-meow) contentedly. Now… he runs around at random, even if he hasn’t pooped in HOURS!

Finally… he’s become a needy little bastard. He sits with us much more often. Before… we’d be lucky to even get a glance from him as he traveled from under the coffee table to under the… well, I can’t really call it a dinner table. More like the random mail table. Now, he’s always hopping up on us, as if we’re going to die in a fiery inferno of apolcalyptic intensity.

(Interesting side note… we now believe that Catface can read Brain Waves. He ignores us if we’re watching TV, but if we’re reading or writing, he hops up on us immediately. He can also detect when we come out of REM sleep, and begins to riot and knock stuff over when we do. And… he can tell when we’re almost done doing something. Like… if there’s five minutes left in a TV show and we’re going to do something else, he’ll hop up on us and be all attention starved. In addition, he can detect when we get up to retrieve the squirt bottle. Yes. The tsunami made catface a psychic.)

So… what do the animals know that we don’t? is there a coming storm? Is it the dawning of a new age of enlightenment? Are we careening headlong into a dark age (for which we’ve been itching for a couple decades now)? Alls I know is, I’m packing my bags and buying guns when Catface dons the robes of a prophet and begins preaching vociferously about the end times atop my leather easy chair. As Bob Dylan said… the times, they are a-changin.

Will there be Krispy Kremes when the world ends?

- the slater.