2.28.2005

the revolution will Not be televised.




The proper steps to start the revolution are as follows.

Step 1 – Identify your Tyrant.

This step is perhaps the most important one. You need to figure out which ‘the Man’ is oppressing you. Sometimes it’s difficult, because there are generally lots of ‘the Men’ keeping the common folk down. You just need to find the most visible one, and figure out who he is. His motivations, why he eats breakfast off of the backs of slaves, what he does to people in his dungeons (or 'detention camps'), why he wears a funny looking golf shirt, et cetera. Know thy enemy, I say, and thy enemy is ‘the Man.

Step 2 – Give your Tyrant problems.

A good way to go through this step is to start breaking laws. Start small, with jaywalking and creating a public nuisance (you can save the big ones for later). Make it very well known that his laws are bullcrap and you’re not going to stand for them. Also, stealing his car is another fabulous way of undermining his authority. You can also put intoxicants in his soup (Although bowel-loosening juice is another great choice). Let ‘the Man’ know that you are fed up with his Byzantine and Draconian laws, and you’re not going to take it anymore.

Step 3 – Form a Conspiracy

In your quest to topple ‘the Man,’ it’s important to have friends. And by friends, I mean co-conspirators. It’s so important to have a secret underground organization, and I’ll tell you why. Number 1: it’s easier to get stuff done when you have lots of people to break the work up. Number 2: you can distribute the blame along many channels, funneling it to a predetermined patsy. (It’s extremely important to not let the patsy KNOW he’s the patsy. He won’t take it well.) And number 3: if even four or five revolutionist engineers get thrown in the dungeon, never to be seen again, there’s always people on the outside to continue the work of the Revolution. And once the Revolution comes, you can always let them out when you open up the dungeons, along with the mother rapers, whack-o-loons, murderers, and other nasty (but wrongfully imprisoned) folks.

Step 4 – Drop your pants

This is the lynchpin of any good revolution. More than breaking the laws and being a general nuisance, this lets ‘the Man’ know the end is near, and he’s about to get a big steaming pile of Revolution left on his stoop. It’s really only a half-step because it’s immediately followed by

Step 4.5 – Start the Revolution

This is what you’ve been working towards for anywhere between three days and a year or so. When the Revolution begins, there will be many skirmishes, and probably some dead people. But you are secure in your resolve, because you know that although you may die on the green fields of battle, you will be remembered forever as the man (or woman) who took down ten drones with you, while all the while waddling around with your breeches around your ankles. The revolution lives on with your spirit, and once it comes, you will be commemorated with a nice statue, or at least a plaque. Once ‘the Man’ has been toppled, you can all sit around, drinking fine ales, remembering your brothers and sisters in arms, and thinking to yourselves, ‘Praise the Revolution! It’s a damn fine day!’


*end transmission*

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would love it very much if you would write more. I visit often and enjoy your work. I'm also into bondage. I hope that's cool.

11:30 AM  
Blogger Scott said...

Glad you're enjoying it!

Both the bondage, and the posts.

Cheers!

1:54 AM  
Blogger Suzanne said...

rock on!!! fight the man!

4:00 PM  

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